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As conversations about gender identity become more visible in society, many employees genuinely want to be respectful and supportive of their transgender and gender-diverse coworkers. However, good intentions alone do not guarantee appropriate workplace behavior. This video scenario highlights a common—and often overlooked—issue: how curiosity and attempts at allyship can unintentionally cross personal boundaries, creating discomfort even when no harm is intended.
This example helps learners understand where those boundaries lie, why certain questions are inappropriate at work, and how to respond respectfully when a coworker is transitioning or has shared aspects of their gender identity.
In this scene, Rex, a trans man, is working at the reception desk when two coworkers, Ziggy and Yolanda, approach him. The interaction begins with a mistake—Ziggy accidentally uses Rex’s former name before quickly correcting herself. While she catches the error and apologizes, the conversation soon shifts into deeply personal territory.
Yolanda asks Rex where he was earlier that morning. Rex responds simply that he had a doctor’s appointment. What could have remained a routine workplace exchange quickly escalates when Ziggy asks whether the appointment was for hormone therapy, specifically mentioning testosterone. Before Rex can respond, Yolanda interjects, commenting on his appearance and referencing his beard as proof that he has been on hormones “for a while now.”
Ziggy then asks an even more intrusive question about surgery, assuming Rex is planning “top surgery.” At this point, Rex clearly appears uncomfortable. He attempts to redirect the conversation by explaining that he simply went in for a flu shot—an answer meant to end the line of questioning without confrontation. He then tries to shift the focus back to work by asking if he missed anything on a team call.
Although the coworkers appear friendly and supportive on the surface, their rapid-fire questions reveal a lack of awareness about appropriate boundaries. This interaction demonstrates how transgender employees can feel pressured to disclose personal medical information simply to avoid awkwardness or conflict.
The coworkers in this scenario are not acting with hostility or malice. In fact, they seem curious and eager to engage. However, workplace respect is not measured by intent—it is measured by impact.
Gender identity, transition status, medical care, and body-related questions are deeply personal. Asking about hormone therapy, surgeries, or medical appointments crosses a boundary that most people would never tolerate if asked about themselves. These questions have nothing to do with job performance, workplace responsibilities, or team collaboration.
Even well-intentioned questions can:
Importantly, not every transgender person transitions in the same way—or at all. Some pursue medical care, some do not, and none are obligated to share that information with coworkers.
Rex models several effective coping behaviors that many employees use when faced with inappropriate questions:
Despite the intrusive questioning, Rex did not lash out or escalate the situation.
By stating he went for a flu shot and asking about a work meeting, Rex signaled that the discussion had crossed a line.
Rex did not feel obligated to correct assumptions or explain his transition, preserving his privacy.
While these strategies can help de-escalate an uncomfortable moment, they should not be the burden of the employee experiencing the intrusion.
A respectful, supportive response would have looked very different:
Acknowledging and correcting a mistake is important, but it doesn’t open the door to personal questions.
If someone mentions a doctor’s appointment, no follow-up is required—especially not speculation about medical treatments.
Appearance, timelines, or rumors are not invitations for discussion.
If Rex had chosen to share information about his transition, coworkers could listen respectfully—but curiosity alone is not permission.
This video reinforces several core principles taught in Emtrain’s Preventing Workplace Harassment (PWH) course:
Gender identity and transition experiences are sensitive and personal. Avoid comments, assumptions, or questions that don’t directly relate to work.
Never assume others know a coworker is transgender or gender-diverse. Information shared with you is not yours to repeat.
Mistakes happen. If you say the wrong thing, acknowledge it briefly, correct yourself, and move on—without making the situation about your discomfort.
Questions about surgeries, hormone therapy, medical procedures, or family reactions are always inappropriate in the workplace. These topics are off-limits, regardless of curiosity or intent.
While this scenario may not involve overt hostility, it illustrates how repeated boundary-crossing questions can contribute to a hostile or uncomfortable work environment. Over time, these interactions can erode trust, isolate employees, and normalize intrusive behavior toward gender-diverse coworkers.
The PWH course teaches that harassment is not only about extreme behavior—it’s also about everyday actions that make people feel unsafe, exposed, or disrespected. Respecting boundaries is a shared responsibility, and creating an inclusive workplace means knowing when not to ask questions.
Supporting transgender and gender-diverse coworkers does not require personal knowledge of their bodies, medical care, or transition process. In fact, true support often looks like restraint—using respectful language, maintaining professional boundaries, and allowing coworkers to define what they share and when.
This video reminds learners that curiosity does not outweigh consent, and that professionalism applies just as much to conversations about identity as it does to any other aspect of work. By practicing respect, discretion, and self-awareness, employees help build a workplace culture where everyone feels safe, valued, and able to focus on their work.
